antara jodoh dan hidayah

salam. hye all. 

terima kaseh kepada adam harraz budak gemok yg nakal dan comel kerana telah mengejutkan makciknya yang jauh terpisah di seberang lautan, sekaligus menjadi penyebab kehabisan kredit ibunya. mungkin adam mahu membalas dendam terhadap ibunya yang seringkali terlepas panggilan telefon dari makcik kesayangannya. (eh, self proclaimed ? :p) harini saja sudah hampir 10 kali makciknya menelefon tetapi tidak diangkat2. akhirnya, adam pun mendial nombor makciknya~ awww, thats very thoughtful of u adam! 

tapi... kenape mesti jam 12.50 TENGAH malam di saat makciknya sedang diulit mimpi. pulak tu, mimpi travel dengan adam and his mother pulak tu, somewhere around europe gitu. tengah naik keretaapi, lalu underground tempat orang melombong. boleh ? europe celah mane? entah2 bukit bendera aje. LOL. 

telepati lah adam n makciknya ni kan. mimpi lepas tu adam called. eh eh eh. adakah aku terlalu merindu orang jauh sampai termimpi mimpi ? 

HAHA i really thought it was kakak that gave me a miscall as a sign to call back tapi bila lame sangat i picked up the phone and heard kakak's voice saying "hello" and long pausee and heard adam's merapik on the line. dah la tengah mamai mamai what the heck u called me in the middle of my beauty sleeepp huh? so when the line suddenly call-off without a proper dialog, i gave them a call back. 

"apehal telefon? hish malam2 bute ni dah dekat pukul satu sini" - dengan suara mamai2

"eh bile masaa aku call??? oooo... adaaaammmmmmmm!!!" 

kekekeke~ padan muka. good job adam. next time buat lagi. and then we had a long on-off-on-off conversation because adam kept disconnecting the line. *sigh* 

half-awake, i thought, it would be a great idea to stay awake since ive been sleeping since 10pm and failed to finish any works, (i blamed the full tank tummy). so, there u go. thanks to adam once again! yes. i finished my assigned LT and posted the notes on bb already. yezzz, tak payah fikir ape2 dah for the rest of the week. ngehs. and as usual lah bila dah siap kerja bukan nak study lebih sikit, tetapi wandering at the 'informative' fb newsfeed. looking for something to review? 

yes. ur rite !

came across with a very contemplative thought. succinct way of rendering the idea of 'jodoh and hidayah' (cehwah, harini belaja perkataan baru, "succinct" entah betul entah tidak aku gune pun tatahu)

kan kan kan kan kan ? sedar takpe...

tak perlu lah ku olah lebih2 kerana kalian pasti sudah memahaminya. naluri hati manusia memang sukar ditafsir. pelik. dan tak keruan.

teringat pula kata2 kak ida roomate baruku itu yang sedang lena diulit mimpi, bila kami bercakap tentang sebuah majlis ilmu yg bkl diadakan among sisters in newcastle over the weekend. bab2 agama ini memang harus dipaksa. memang susah kita nak pergi majlis ilmu, tapi kita memang kene pakse diri untuk mendekatkan diri walaupun hati macam tak ringan aje nak pergi majlis ilmu. "kite tak faham pun kenape orang cakap, tunggu lah bila dapat hidayah nanti baru lah nak tutup aurat.sampai bila?" betul jugak. hidayah tak datang bergolek. malahan hidayah harus dicari. 

hakikat sebuah kehidupan manusia biasa, mencari alasan dan alasan. lagi2 bila berkaitan dengan keagamaan. jangan tipu lah. so, selepas mencerna buah fikiran, ktorang pun cuba mengikhlaskan diri untuk menghadiri IQRA session yg bakal diadakan ahad ini (semalam lah tu pagi tadi), tapi when the day came, due2 ekor tertdo sampai pukul teett terlepas that session. hihikhik. niat that counts, insyaAllah next time we go okaidokie. tapi cepat aje pergi housewarming depan rumah IQRA session itew. nomnomnomnom~

tapi betul kan. bab2 agama itu memang harus dipaksa.

teringat lagi pesan ustazah hayani, masa kat mrsm mzms dulu, "kalau orang paksa suruh baca quran, suruh sembahyang, suruh tutup aurat, pandai2 je lah nak bagi ayat 'la iqra ha fiddin', salah kefahaman tu!" yang kita faham tentang ayat ini adalah 'tiada paksaan dalam islam'. sekaligus memberi kefahaman salah bahawa, tiada paksaan dalam agama islam. 

walhal maksudnya, 

"tiada paksaan dalam (memasuki) agama islam"

dan sambungannya...

“sesungguhnya telah jelas jalan yang benar daripada jalan yang sesat. Karena itu barang siapa yang ingkar kepada Thaghut (perkara yang melampaui batas) dan beriman kepada Allah, maka sesungguhnya ia telah berpegang kepada buhul tali yang amat kuat yang tidak akan putus. Dan Allah Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Mengetahui" 

ustazah cakap, bila kita sudah berada dalam agama islam, kita memang kene paksa, WAJIB untuk mengikuti segala ajarannya.

beralasan tak sudah bila orang menasihati. itulah jadinya bila orang yang kurang berilmu cuba mentafsir ayat Allah. minta dijauhkan semuanya.

peringatan utuk diri sendiri juga yang terkadang alpa bila di'ajak' melakukan maksiat mulut, tangan, kaki dan hati. bukan senang nak jadi baik iye tak?

we are. through out this life, trying to be a better person. it is a long-life process. LIFE-LONG process lah!

eh perlu ke sambung tidur bila subuh ada lagi satu jam ? nyumnyums. mungkin cuba bertahan, tapi kini tak perlu risau lagi kalau tertdo dan terlepas subuh akibat kekurangan tdo kerana sudah ada roomate utk kejut yang pastinya cukup tidur itu ! terima kasih tuhan. okbai.

ps: alolololooo, esok birthday adam harraz yang ke no satu !!! same dengan birthday khalish the cheeky ;) looking forward seyh for nasi kerabu this lunch ! ok promise nak concentrate for today's lectures for nasi kerabu treat ! bukan aku buat ler, kakyana jual. nanti cuti sekolah easter 2minggu, nak jual cendol lah untuk collect tabung jalan2 new zealand. wah makcik kayooo. ada sesiapa nak pre-order? eceh pegi tdo lah byk berangan pulak !

some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but...

... not meant to be together...

salam. hye all!

again. catchy tagline to attract as many readers, here. but no. i dont have any love stories to disclose here. 

iyeee. u love her. she loved u. u guys fall for each other, deeply thrown in the unspoken love, the silent curse of it, under the sparkling spell, cing cing cing... but finally, u guys married someone else. NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. pelis get over it quickly ! let past remain as untold history. move on. u dont know what await u in the future but im sure, Allah keep something better for you.

oi cakap pasal aku eh. 

no. im being realistic here. i love you my dear friends, i dont know how to approach you personally, wanted to tell that, stop letting the whole world know how frustrated you were, how devastated ur days, how disappointed u were hoping for something that you know it is impossible. lagi-lagi bila yang berbunyi menagih cinta pada yang tak sudi.  i pity u. i understand that it is like a coping mechanism for you to express what u feel... but, not everyone can stay optimist for a long time. ye dak? 

i understand why ure doing so. sekali sekala is acceptable. tapi kalau pagi petang siang malam, ur post all revolve around love, what frustrates you. tak best lah. ( ok i know, i have no right to interfere with ur business) but let me tell u the truth, 

"i cant stop thinking, this kind of person, is fragile, weak, hopeless. how can u handle something bigger, if u cant even handle ur emotions" 

im not good either. but, dont let the whole world witness ur weakness. because they can easily manipulate you in the future. and yes. people judge. thats what we do.

and again, today i saw a really-young-lover posted a picture, appeared on my newsfeed.

from my understanding, had just break up. "thanks for colorful (??? salah vocab ni. tape i did it too sometimes) my life for 6 months" - what u mean dear kiddos? ur life got no color before ur bf's existence. aiyoo poor u. kids, too young to understand love. u have no idea how much fool technology can do to you. how many people laugh at ur unintended act. pardon my intentional insult to you. 

i commented because i care. i care for our generations. i dont want to be those people who like to talk behind and say something bad instead of trying to rectify the situation. 

i remember being scolded by a friend because i spied on my sister (my cousin, my sister dah kahwinlah) who was on her date. i just want to make sure they dont do something bad like... sitting to each other in a very intimate position or the guy did something stupid or whatever lah i know kids nowadays are BAD! call me conservative, call me kolot, call me a nenek, call me a pessimist, call me a paranoid. 

but i am a protective sister. 

see, i told u, u clash jugak dengan mamat tu! buat habis kredit aje lah. 

yes. i am a protective sister. 

okbai badminton time with nisya !

unfair

the world we lived in. 

the friendship we involved.

the relationship we embraced.

the thoughts we contemplated.

the feeling we engaged.

the promises we made.

the whats of  trust, honesty is the main essence, i believe.

but when u betrayed, it is unfair to me.

after what u convinced me to believe was,

i can always rely on u. no matter what

and what u forced me to accept now is only; 

i'm no longer part of ur memory, in fact, i WAS ur history.

i told u, people would never constantly stay !

funny how people react huh?

salam. hye all. 

"remember, people will judge you by your actions not your intentions. you may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard boiled egg!" 

it was last week when i saw someone posted this video. i usually dont bother watching random videos posted around unless, it caught my attention so well.  yes, it was the catchy title that provoked me to view. and of course, the depressing, anger, harsh comments from the audiences and lots and lots people seems to be clicking the share button! 

oh tak boleh terlepas! 

yes. people do judge the book by its coveh, bibeh~

do u think, i wanna buy ur novel with messy front cover? naaayyy... first impression is very important lah. it should be this way, DO NOT JUDGE BASED ON ONE EVIDENCE ONLY. geddit? good kids.

oh. getting back to the video, the title was, "tinggal ibu lumpuh di hotel bajet"   yes. yes. please click.

a nenek was sobbing, crying. abandoned. i was imagining as she was my nenek. it was very disturbing one. thats when ur lacrimal gland started to work. shocked. speechless. curious. sad. disappointed. tak sampai hati nak tengok tangisan nenek itu! . 

i cant stop browsing through all the comments people made on the videos. people were accusing the son for being ungrateful and condemning the inhuman act. being a daughter myself, i cant help getting involved with all the emotions people brought up. so, i ended up being with the majority.  condemning and indirectly judging the nenek's child.

plus, my own interpretation from the reporter on the video was, 'the child didnt answer the phone.for days. yes. he ran away' .  how can i not place a guilty charge on him?

hmmm.... i seriously cant tolerate some unpleasantly harsh comments. teruk betul bahasa jiwa bangsa ! thats when someone posted something like, "the child could have been in accident or something..." my anger tuned down. a bit. could be right? but still. unacceptable.

but the informal courtroom went on.  people on the bench kept judging... judging... and judging...

judging is the best we can do, right, malaysians?

*claps*

so, i clicked the button share, on my twitter, not facebook this time. (sebab xsenang baca harsh comments kat link kwn2, xmahu cemarkan page) with yes, catchy tagline again, "sampai hati buat ibu awak macam ni" - hoping that everyone would be attracted to click on it and with one intention, not to focus on her son, but more to remind everyone, imagine this could have been your parents. how would you feel? 

but the tagline still sounded like blaming the son right? hhmmm...

and the story was in the air for awhile...

until today... i saw another more appealing video. "susulan tinggal ibu di hotel"

err... i can smell something burning. so, i watched. there was a mixed feeling. the son finally appeared begging to his mother that he would not leave the mother ever again. he now realized, that heaven is under her foot. no, u silleeehh! i joked. he was a nice son with pure heart. the actual story was, "tiada orang di rumah, saya bekerja, saya berharap dengan keberadaan emak saya di sini, ada orang menjaganya, tengok2. lagipun HKL dekat, hanya 5minit dari hotel ini. tak logiklah saye nak tinggalkan emak saya di sini bersama contact no dan pengenalan saya."  (ok ini peoz ulas dalam ayat sendiri)

ah boleh tak korang tengok sendiri video dan komen sebab aku takut tersalah info lagi.

the saddest part was, he was being dismissed of his current job, due to bad reputation he received, because of the 'false speculation' of the video. (been told, but god knows the exact reason) and he is the only child. kasihan kan? another stupid judgment. fitnah duniaaa!~

now u hear me? u understannnnnnnddd...??? He didnt leave his mother on purpose ! and u see, what everyone has put his life onto? bersalah tak tuduh bukan2 dear malaysians? rasa berdosa tak? are u with me?

errrr... there u go! *huge applaud malaysians. looked how our 'transparent judiciary' has taught the citizen. u are guilty until proven otherwise !

eh, plis lah read between my lines. it should be, u are innocent until proven otherwise. can u see the difference? 

so, feeling accountable for the bad rumors, people might had on the innocent son because i was one of the bacteria who spread it on my twitter, i think im responsible to clear his name. i believe we dont have any intention to blame the son, but, somehow cant shut our mind from blaming the son kan, its human nature. its in our gene. to have mercy on everyone. GOOD. u are positive, human with heart, if u think so too. so, i posted it on my twitter, tagging few friends that had response to the previous video. and of course, made an official apology ! ergo, u shouldnt be here.

and yes, posted on facebook as well, this time. with one cynical intention, that the ones who put the terrible judgments by throwing the harsh comments and made reckless accusation, secara berlebih-lebihan, learn their lessons. slap their faces hard.

wait. the fishy part, i was browsing through the comments on the 2nd video, now, they seem to blame metro! MUAHHAHAHHAHAA. without even realizing, the monster was in their self. kelakar tau uols ni, been pointing there and there. ingat ini pesta circus? and metro handled it quite well, i supposed, by helping the son and the mother, reputation kena jage kan? and again, i smiled to myself, reading a cynical reply from metro regarding the accusations, 

"kami dh bantu dia dan Alhamdulillah ramai juga yg ingin hulurkan bantuan daripada bercakap je. Amir pn akan dapat kerja baru dgn bantuan kami. kalau encik ******** nk berjumpa Amir pn kami boleh aturkn untuk membantu dia berikan sokongan moral menjaga ibunya yg uzur"

haha ! kalau aku terus nak buang akaun youtube. funny how people react. my dear malaysians, malaysians. gelabah tak bertempat. *geleng kepala*

but all these left me few questions to ponder, 

who should be blamed? metro because of the catchy tagline and upsetting report that touched everyone's heart? the son for not answering the phone and left everyone with false speculations? or our society who judged and punished too quick by only looking at the surface?

everyone share the same credits i supposed? 

ive learned my lessons. i hope u too.

once again,

"remember, people will judge you by your actions not your intentions. you may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard boiled egg!"

well. i better get going! its almost 4 am. huwaaaghhhh ! ~

ps: eh u missed out the 'bajet' lah dear metro on the 2nd video tagline! ohlalala ~

perlu ke orang pandai gile untuk jadi doktor?

salam. hye all. 

entry panjang utk cover 2 hari sebab nak study. kite tengok. kite tengok. 

happy monday blues everyone ! dulu cikgu seriyona, (our warden back in mrsm mzms) pernah cakap, kalau awak start hari isnin dengan gembira, bangun awal pagi, takde kusut masai, insyaAllah, the rest of the week, akan berjalan dengan mudahnya. sebaliknya kalau isnin awak dimulai dengan wajah masam dan perasaan malas2 serta kelam kelibut, minggu anda mungkin sedikit serabut. katenye laah... 

saya setuju. 

sebab itu saya seboleh2 tidak mahu ada perasaan 'benci' terhadap isnin. malah memulakan hari dengan secangkir MILO dan sepinggan NASI AYAM!!! *burrpppp... ha korang ado? orang mesia pun makan nasi lemak roti canai jeeee pagi2, (jee??? menyembunyikan perasaan cemburu) 

sebenarnya, nasi ayam dinner semalam, selalu save untuk keesokan harinya, sebab terlampau byk disumbat dgn roti canai kakzerina mlm tadi kan. rasa mcm seronok je makan dengan roomate/housemate baru. eh eh eh? ada roomatee die? iyalah, biasa rumah sunyi je pagi2, breakfast pun senyap2 dalam bilik, ataupun sambil berjalan menuju bus. harini macam gembire sebab pagi2 dah bising2 semua orang siap2 pergi sekolah. THE FULL HOUSE IS BACK, yaaaayyyy! 

tp now semua orang dah pg sekolah. ai je duduk rumah sorang2 lepak2, sebab ai tak pandai so, ai rehat je kat rumah di pagi isnin, selasa, rabu minggu ni. *YAY!* eh, awak tak ingat saya dah bertungkus lumus few weeks before sampai balik pukul 10 malam??? berakit2 ke hulu, berenang2 ke tepian, bersakit2 dahulu, bersenang2 kemudian. *sambil melibaskan rambut tanda puas hati* 

eh, u cakap u tak pandai? 

why? 

are u sure u tak pandai peoz? then how in the first place, u get into medical school? MEDICAL SCHOOL? MEDICAL SCHOOL? 

i was having an ice-breaking session with a stranger while waiting for the bus last time, 

me: "... yes, i study at uni too, but im going to the hospital today"

stranger stopping by to apply her sunblock: "oh ok. what are u studying?"

"errrr... im doing medicine" - selow ajer sebut selalu malu2 bile orang tanye study ape.wekss

"oh woooooooww! u must be very smart kids at school that u can enter med school" - i can see an honest impressed face there, but i always have mixed feeling. whats lie beyond it.

"hmm... nayyyy, im not that smart, im just lucky" - yes you are lucky peoz. but luck doesnt always last forever. remember. 

" yes, you are very lucky." -  "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THOUSANDS PEOPLE ARE DYING TO BE IN UR POSITION RIGHT NOW?" be grateful! *i feel like they are shouting this instead at my face. btw, thank you for second that. lucky to be the chosen one. ok.

a fraction of typical conversation, i usually had when people asked me what im doing at uni. tang mana pandainya kalau orang lain at ur age dah bersepah jadi doktor dan dah kerja semua and u still in uni? betapa takutnya saya setiap kali menjelang exam, ibarat menunggu maut di tali gantung. *overnye* i see medicine as SOMETHING very BIG! because u are dealing with human lives, NYAWA manusia yang tak tada galang gantinya. bagilah selambak permata, segunung emas...

takkan dapat menggantikan satu nyawa. 

saya selalu membayangkan betapa hebatnya seorang cardiosurgeon, membuka jantung manusia, cari a very tiny heart vessel, (pembuluh darah), buang, sambung, jahit, bayangkan something goes wrong? bayangkan? jantung manusia weyh! jantung. malaikat je yang boleh belah dada nabi muhammad dengan hebat confirm tanpa sebarang cela! 

saya jadi takut dan tidak yakin. 

saya mula membayangkan suatu masa nanti, orang datang berpusu2 di emergency ward, berdarah2, dan saya the only doctor incharge! sebagai seorang yang boleh dikatakan perfectionist *penat!*, saya merasakan, saya harus bertanggungjawab memastikan semua orang mesti hidup dan selamat, mesti selamat, things cannot go wrong!

saya bertambah takut. 

takut dan bimbang akan expectation diri yang melampau2. masa itu belum ada drive yang kuat lagi untuk meneruskan perjalanan. masih takut2 macam tikus. mungkin sebab ilmu sekangkang semut.

apa lagi bila dugaan datang menimpa-nimpa,  dunia ini benar2 menghentam. dush dush dush. terhenyak2 aku ke lubang kecil. gelap. sunyi. sendiri. dan punya masa untuk berfikir panjang. masa inilah fikiran dijentik.

quitter never win kan? winner stop.revive.and survive kan? 

thats life nak oiii, hidup ibarat memandu di atas lebuh raya yang panjang. kalau berhenti di tengah jalan, tak sampai ke mana. mati aje lah kat situ. nak uturn tak boleh. nak tak hendak, perjalanan harus diteruskan. sebab itulah, ada RnR sepanjang2 highway malaysia. untuk beli jagung rebus, pau kacang ahmad, isi minyak petronas, supaya kau boleh revive and survive. 

eceh sempat promote pau pakcik ahmad. 

i told myself, "grades never show intelligence" 

bill gates said, "I failed in some subjects in exam, but my friend passed in all. Now he is an engineer in Microsoft and I am the owner of Microsoft"- eh. inspired not?

its ok bibeh to be the late runner. dalam diam, saya merangka masa depan, yang terbaik untuk saya, keluarga, agama dan bangsa. things i must achieved before i turn 33. and 47. 

hakikat sebuah kehidupan, kita tidak akan sedar sesuatu itu sangat berharga sehinggalah kita kehilangannnya. and no way, i dont want to have that feeling, if i let u go, u maniac medic! 'im not surprised, not everything last, ive broken my heart so many times, i started keep in track, i tried so very hard not to lose it, i came up with millions excuses, i thought of every possibilities..." eh. sound familiar?

kite kan kene jumpa bende yang salah before we met the right thing! betul dak?

so people, do we really need to be extra brilliant, cream of the cream to be in medical school? i was the top of the cream during primary school, (the ONLY good days i can be proud of, eleh darjah 1,2,3,4,5,6 ptuih. itupun sekali due ajer. biarlah nak proud!) i was the average super duper average during high school in mrsmjasin (where everyone is like makan buku, menyampahs), and i was the super bottom in kmb (where everyone gargle je buku dah pandai, while i had to cincang halus2 buku) . now u decide?

tell u what, most of my friends, who serve you, YOU, YOU, the sick people in malaysia right now, is the average student while in high school. sama ajer level dengan aku. eh sorry eh kawan, tapi kau duduk row belakang aku kot masa graduate dulu. lalalaa~ (tapi yg byknye duduk depan sikit. ok fine!) tapi im proud of you friend, im prouddd! rasa nak nangis bila jumpa korang pakai steteskop, LAB COAT putih.

masing2 macam, eh kite dulu bukan panjat pagar same2 ke, sampai ayam kepsi jatuh? eh kite dulu bukan ke jual maggi sebab nak dapat duit? eh kau kan yang bagi kutu kat aku mase kat asrama dulu? teeeetttt* eh eh over kaaauu. bahahhahahahahaahaaahahaa! jadi doktor seyh sekarangggg!!! *tepuk2 belakang kawan*

tak payah pun nak kene pakai spek tebal2 due tiga inci jadi ulat bukuuuuu! karut. karuuuuuut! siapa entah cakap camtu dulu.

alah kau ape kurangnye. belajar oberc seeyhhh! *malu2 kambing* bile nak habis? *senyap* shadap yu.

yang pandai2 selalu dapat pointer 3.80 above semua tengah buat MASTER, PHD! ok tak semua, shahirah adibah best student yg selalu dapat 4.0 masa kat jasin dulu buat medik kat uk. aku rasa waste sangat orang bijak pandai tahap gargle je buku ni dah pandai amek medik, korang patut belaja buat bom. eh opss. buat bahan letupan api sebesar lalat supaya kita boleh letupkan negara israel tu tanpa mereka sedari. *mintak2 lah derang tak leh tafsir gugel blog aku*

oh ke korang nak cipta ubat tahan sakit paling mujarab dalam dunia? ok. ok. ok.

tak payah pandai sangat pun tak apa, yang penting hati kene besar, kalau tengok darah pun dah lembik, cemane? (macam orang tu, tuuu, itu dulu)  hati kena cekal! macam haghimau! *masih berusaha keras membina hati harimau!* i cakap dengan u, medik ni susah. *nangis* kene hafal banyak benda, kene jangan byk makan semut, kene RAJIN, CEKAL, KONSISTEN, so, maksudnye, tak semestinya kene jadi PANDAI gile.

bila aku tengok mat2 salleh ni, depa takdak ah bijak sangat pun. depa bukan cream of the cream pun yang masuk medik ni. ok ada lah yang betul2 bijak kan, tapi diorang nak masuk course medic, diorang kene amek certain exam macam tu. ade je aku tengok bingaiiii je mamat ni dtg tute pun malas buat kerja, setiap kali jumpa tgok utube dak macam tipikal medic student pun... boleh je amek medik.

faham dak?

korang faham tak mentaliti masyarakat malaysia, "peeghhh anak pakcik mail dapat pergi mesir buat medik, pandai gilaaaa punya. huish! hebat2" - walhal, anak pakcik manap duduk di birai dinding, buat engineering, dengar kecik hati aje, padahal dia punye pointer 2.0 lagi tinggi dari anak pakcik mail. tak kene puji pun. kesian anak pakcik mail. tape biar aku tolong, engineer memiliki otak geliga dari doktor sebab korang kene handle bende bukan hidup, salah sikit habis! doktor kalau salah bg ubat, auta sana sini, pakcik, dont worry, we'll fix it for you with... hamek kau 10 jenis ubat!

tatahu lah kenapa tibe2 nak tinggi kan darjat engineer harini.

orang fikir, bila kita buat medik, kitalah paling pandaiiiii, kitalah bijaaak. daaak aaihh. takpunn. mungkin sebab itu ada yang jadi gila sebab expectation orang terlalu tinggi terhadap dia dan dia jadi stress kalau tak berjaya. siapa2 pun boleh belajar medik, oklah, tipu. maksud aku macam, kalau hang tak pernah dapat nombor satu dalam kelas, pun kalau hang minat gila gila punya gila, boleh jadi doktor. kadang2 sistem pendidikan kita tidak adil. yang sepatutnya diberi peluang, tak dapat peluang tu. yang diberi peluang pulak, mengada2. aku kenal beberapa orang yang nak sangat ambil medik, tapi tak lepas sebab tak dapat course medik. walhal, dia 77kali lebih layak.

rezeki kan. Allah yang atur. sabar eh kawan2.  kadang2, its all about luck. tapi, nak be in the luck, still u have to berusaha ;)

*tapi aku tak nafikan majoriti kawan2 aku yang kat kmb semua pun spesis kumur2 buku je dah boleh lulus exam. i admit, im not one of them.

pasti ada sebab kenapa orang memandang tinggi terhadap profession seorang doktor kan?

makcik2 pakcik2 kampung tak pernah jumpa engineer, tapi selalu jumpa doktor. maka penghargaan yang diterima oleh doktor itu adalah secara direct. bila kita senyum pada doktor, sebab hilangkan sakit perut kita kecik2 dulu. bagi appeton. ah. comel ! bila kita senyum pada doktor gigi bile dah masukkan gigi palsu dan ucapkan terima kasih, sebab sekarang makcik dah boleh makan kacang... eh terharunye. mcm nak nangess. sobsobsobs.

mungkin sebab itu...

mana ada engineering, architect, duduk di tepi bangunan hospital sambil buka counter, sayalah yang mereka bangunan ini, sayalah yang bertanggungjawab ke atas kestabilan kerusi yang makcik duduk ketika berjumpa dengan doktor. eh kelakar lah pulak kalau ada.

biarlah. tapi aku tetap seribu kali lagi kagum dengan bangunan2 tinggi pencakar langit yang korang buat. naik lif pun aku dah kagum sungguh siapalah yang cipta. terima kasih sangat2. tak payah lah besar2, siapa yang cipta blender pun aku dah kagum, terima kasih lah tak payah susah2 kitorang kene gilis cili macam zaman dedolu tu haa~ hebat2.

jadi kepada diri sendiri dan kawan2 yang masih meragui perjalanan ini, i keep reminding myself, this is the best tool to reach what i wanna achieve in the future. this the best. this is the best. this is the best. u suffer now, and u live the rest of ur life as a superwoman yay!!!

ingatlah, senyuman nenek2, atuk2, yang bakal dilemparkan kepada kita bila kita cakap, "nenek jangan risau ye, nant balik, nenek telan ni, insyaAllah esok nenek dah boleh jalan tak payah pakai tongkat!" eh comel. kau macam ahli magis pulak.

the whats that keep me moving... 


"its not difficult to work hard, what is more important is to STAY FOCUS!" - from a millionaire friend

tak semestnya kena jadi bijak dan pandai untuk jadi berjaya, cuma perlukan hati yang cekal dan tabah serta semangat yang jitu. ingat EQ itu lagi penting dari IQ kalau nak jadi orang BERJAYA !

"raihlah ilmu, dan untuk meraih ilmu belajarlah untuk tenang dan sabar". ~ Khalifah ‘Umar

itulah belajar medik kene sabar dan tenang, jangan tamak sangat aim nak habis 50pages. eh eh eh mane nak faham? belajar ape2 pun.

korang nak tahu tak satu lagi sebab, kenapa tak semestinya kene jadi pandai sangat nak belajar medik, sebab... ia sendiri adalah proses untuk menjadi pandai. bila kau belajar medik, automatically, kau jadi PANDAI. tiba2 sumpah. siapa je yang tahu macam mana jantung kau boleh pam darah 22,000 gelen sehari tanpa sebarang kegagalan. eh pandai kan pandai? harapanku adalah, masuk medik tak berapa pandai, keluar medik jadi pandai gilaaaa! wohhhhaaaa!!! kau ni cakap macam ular berbelit2.

korang faham tak aku tertekan bile korang cakap, budak2 medik ni pandai2?  sebab aku tak.... ok bai!


kumar n clark dah panggil !

when a 17 y.o talks about love...

when a 17 y.o talks about love, its like listening to a typical malay lovey dovey song with an effort to engage the every single senseless lyrics, meticulousness !

"jika denganmu salah, ku tak mahu yang benar. jika denganmu hanyut, biarlah aku lemas..."

"kelmarin kulihat awan membentuk wajahmu, desau angin meniupkan namamu..."

like seriously...??? *throw up*

quoting matlutfi, "sebenarnya ada beza dengan kebodohan dan pengorbanan" THUMBS UP!

again, when a 16 y.o girl posted on facebook, a photo captioning, "please be mine forever" . i seriously wanna kick u hard on face! no, just a flick on the brain. dear sisters, im sorry to tell that your brain has not just fully formed yet. it's still growing. truly, you need someone to tell you, you are consider 'stupid' until u turned 25. (read 25 as a certain age) do not fall into the trap !  

my GP told us, "girls should start the menstruation/period at 25. they are stupid before that age. why the heck a 15 y.o girl cried when the guy doesnt want to invite her to the ice skating?"

i was there too. being a silly girl, who have the innocent idea of, this love sure will last forever, sleep every night to a fondness wish, hoping to wake up the next morning to a soothing message tone, hanging up on the phone until 3am in the morning, spending as much time as we could together, embroidering the promises we made to each other, deeply believe that 5 years gonna be worth waiting for!

but silly billy always being feeble minded, with never a last luck, things happened. not even 5 months, yet. "im sorry, im getting married, u, please, go ahead with chasing your dreams." - no good eh, when that someone was 10years older, stable than you. broken. hurt. numb. shocked. overwhelmed. betrayed. i was. WAS. it was years ago. no hard feeling. not at all. that was my fault too. i can forgive this heart, but i can never forget.

"thats when u have the false attachment, they end up hurting you" - yasmin mogahed

dang u tiny brain, small heart !

no one told me, LOVE can wait. no one.

but, thank u tiny brain, i am finally growing up. and know pretty well now, how to fight with the useless emotions. taught me well how to stay out of the love game, heart trying to play trick with. an expert of differentiating between, obsession, attraction, or just addiction towards you ! know exactly when to push the button, when my heart pounding vigorously when i saw you. 

experience is the best teacher, right?

love. 

love is something very abstract. love is something that u can conceive with heart but cannot perceive by words. can be felt, but not touch. love should be flawless, modest, pure and innocent. love is something deary, something that everyone look for every day to fill this emptiness. yes, here, in the small room inside you.

the restricted idea people got on love; many believes that love is a sparkling feeling that developed when someone has met their mr/mrs right, or so called, love of their life. we fall in, we fall out. love shouldn't be compromised. they said, love is a give and take process. love leads to giving or giving leads to love? have u heard the saying, in order to gain, u have to give.

Love is beyond just meeting the right person in ur life. 

again, quoting my new favorite speaker, yasmin mogahed; love is a serious mental illness. if it makes u unable to function well in ur daily life, then u are facing a serious problem. when u are addicted to one person, it is an unhealthy attachment. how would u know whether u are having the unhealthy attachment? how can u tell? 

ask urself, what is first thing that u think of when u wake up early in the morning and what was the last thing u do before u went to bed? what are u thinking all day? if u think of something else, rather than thanking Allah when u woke up, then u are having the false attachment and not putting the priority on top of the list. LOVE: does it bring u close to Allah, or bring u away from Allah?

to be attached to dunia, is something i myself cant deny. we are too hooked up with something not even eternal.

sedar tak sedar. cinta kepada manusia, dia akan mati. cinta kepada wang, ia akan jadi hamba, akan habis akhirnya, cinta kepada buku, ia akan mereput, cinta kepada emas permata, buat ape? cinta kepada yang kekal abadi, selamanya kita dicintai. 

the reason why we get very attached to all those things is, we havent see what is better. if only i saw, someone better waiting for me in the future, do u think i would easily trapped into the emotions i built on my own, and let the false attachment hurting me? NO. as as simple as that. this dunia is a sample of akhirat. if only, we can see, at least have a glimpse view of what heaven looks like, im sure, everyone would never fail to be on tikar sejadah right on time!

the easiest way to get over an addiction/attachment, is to find something better to attached to, something better to love. something eternal. u got what i mean?

haih. again, matter of heart is never easy to solve, lah.

if u think ure falling for someone, (before the age of '25', ok 20), its not love my dear, it is just a mutual attraction between two undeveloped brains who trying to please each other, and to fill the emptiness and spaces they created because they are plain boring and pathetic. (i was one of them)

say what u want, im prejudice, paranoid, or heart broken, in denial, but kids, (read those before 25++, ok put whatever number u think would best replace 5) should never say, 'im truly, madly, deeply in loveeee', because ur mental is just not built yet for LOVE, love comes with greater responsibility. full stop. oh ye, one more thing, dont confused with love and lust, they do look and sound the same, but they definitely have a huge gap! 

theoretically speaking, you are stupid before you turn '25'. 

yes. im 25, and i dont look stupid if i fall in love ! i was stupid before, tahap ultimate!

now im telling you,

that LOVE CAN WAIT.

but dont wait to love Allah. i love you because Allah asked me to love you. Allah asked me to be kind with my family, my friends, people around me, and everyone in this world.

disclaimer:

by saying 25, i mean, at mature age and be able to balance and make a rational thinking about everyythingg and considering the possible consequences in the future. for me, before certain age (whatever number u wanna put that u think is the age where everyone reach maturityyyy), we cant think well. we are vey blurrr about the future, dont know what to expect no matter how hard u try to visualize the future. because we dont know await us, there. i simply put 25 because 23 is too young, and 27 is too old. 25 is just niceeee, not exactly because im 25! haha~

karangan saya kali ni sebenarnya nak cakap, kids, u TAK PANDAI bercinta selagi belum matang sepenuhnya. u are unable to control the emotions, to suppress the certain desires, to stop the 'biological need', to evaluate the consequences, sebab u brain has not fully developed yet. ^_~

ive been reading the men's brains vs women brain who is better article on muslimvillage, i found it really interesting, so i came out with this 7sen thoughts ;)  here's the link. 

ps: "darling dont be afraid ive loved u for a thousand years, i've loved u for a thousand more" - peoz kau ni not fair tau. ade je lagu mat salleh yang tak sensible langsung ! mementang lah belaja negara omputeehhh. semua lagu cinta gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! tapi ada orang tu still dengar juga over and over. haha. tak semenggah !

*now listening to the - havent met you yet, by michael the buble! the most relevant love song so far,on top of my list! and smile to myself all day. lalalalaaa~ no. not because i finally know how to fall in love or found someone to fall in love to... but michael bubblish and me have similar thoughts! WAIT, are u the one, michael bubblish? hahahaha

"oh i promise u kid, to give so much more than i get, than i get, than i get!" - see, giving lead to love!

i said love... love... love... love... i just havent met you yet! 

pai ayam! chicken pie! pai ayanggg !

salam. hye all. 

eh lame menyepi kak? busy kottt. maklumlah pergi camping sampai tak ingat nak balik deh. habis hujung minggu terabur begitu sahaje. lepas tu hari2 biasa kene pergi GP kene siapkan LT's, kene siapkan assignment. study lagi?

finally, esok last gp. kat west wallsend. syukuuurrr~ 

seronok je pg gp naik bus sebab dapat concession scr illegal. dah pakcik tu yg bagi. naik bus sejam, bayar 2.20aud. wahwahwah~ biasa pergi jesmond 10minit bayar 3.50aud. lalalala~ iyalah, tghari boleh lah naik bus, pagi2 bus tada maaa. that day ada budak usia 18 tahun, nangis2 sebab her implanon caused bleeding. implanon? contraception method, yang dicucuk/ditanam di bawah lengan. eeghh sakitnya! 

sebab that implanon tersasar dari tempat sepatutnya, so, doc kene tebuk lubang, kelurkan implanon lame and masukkan yg baru. and budak tu berie menangis2 meraung2 sebab sakit. tapi tak faham pun... muda lagi, kenapa u need contraception? doktor cakap, dia dah guna implanon since 14, and apparently, she is sexually active! hmm..

tak faham pun, minah salleh ni... sakit tapi? 

nasib baik kite melayu. lagi satu, ada sorang budak perempuan umur 16tahun, datang dengan emak beliau. sakit di bahagian bawah abdomen, ambil ocp, doctor tanya, "are u sexually active?" - "yup!" depan emak lagi. maknya cool ajer~ berbeza sekali dengan masyarakat kita. cuba kalau kita? kalau umur 16 tahun, mak bapak tahu keluar dengan lelaki, dah kene berbakul2... 

maafkan saya, saya melihat makcik itu liar seperti anaknya sewaktu muda dahulu. oppppss~ 

macam2 jenis manusia...

btw, here's my chicken pie!!! i finally made one. masih bertahan no-nasi day for me, tahniah ! so, this is how i made my chicken pie. effort gila weyh ! 

bertungkus lumus buat pastry

recipe untuk kegunaan masa depan; 

1 1/2 cup flour

120g butter

pinch of salt

2-3 tablespoon cold water

1 egg yolk

tapi ai dabel the value gitu sebab nak dapatkan jumlah yg cukup untuk 10perut! 5 orang je :p muat2 dalam mangkuk besar ni. nak guna mangkuk kecik sikit, anis takbagiiii sebab die kate tak cukuuuup. ok perut besarrr

pastry bercorak garfu. dimasukkan ke dalam peti supaya, pastry lebih sedap! itu ke sebabnya...? err...

inti adalah; ayam yang digaul serbuk kari, digoreng bersama bawang, mushroom, kentang rebus, jagung, telur rebus dipotong2, kecap manis, tepung jagung, chicken stock. yums !

eh... siapa tengok cerita ariana mikhail angkat tangan? sekarang tengah tgok pun. episod akhir weyh! now tgh part ariana dengan ray. korang kenal ray? sharnaaz wateverever tu. rimas gilaaa tgok mamat tu berlakon, bisik2 pulak. boleh cakap kuat sikit takkk? so mcm missed out babak pun takpe. honestly tak payah ada watak dia pun tak apa. lalalalaaa~ 

mamat tu hopeless romantic kot. setiap kali babak die je mesti nak nangis. eh DIA nangis bukan aku. tah hape2 kan. kememeh gilee weyh. sampai keluar air hidung. deeey~ ada ke lelaki mcm tu in real life? kerat kuku lah. takdeeee~ eh eh  bebel lebih2. siapa suruh kau tengok? taaak, aku tgok cter ni dulu sebab... sebab... dia berlakon dengan pareeee! (parisss) saye kan berie2 nak pg paris kan, tapi tak sempat kan. sobsobsobs. there's something about paris, im not sure what, i feel so emotionally attached to paris. cehwah poyo sangat, i knowwww, dont tell meeee !

pastu kenelah tgok sampai habis kaannn, lgpon, mikhail kacak, opps, ariana comel, tapi garaaangg

perempuan je boleh multitasking tgok drama sambil gelek menggelek pastry lepas tu nak kene anyam tikar atas pie!

effort tak tikar mengkuang saye?

orang sapu dengan telur kuning. saye gune telur puteh, taknak membazir lah konon~

tikar mengkuang yang sudah masak

edible mengkuang !

chicken pie !

saje je nak taruk gambar banyak2, sebab gembire. lalalalaalalaaaa...~ oklah dah lah merapik, mengantuk sudah. tadaaaa seeyou later, with camping updates. hopefully lah ! 

pssstttt, tell u what eh, careful ya when u watch too much malay movies. jangan terbawa2 oleh emosi. cerita melayu ni tak boleh harap sikit, siapa yang hati kapas tu cepat lah terpedaya. tgok boleh, tapi jangan berangan lebih. 

daadeedoo !